I truly thank God for Facebook because it allowed me to tell everyone whom I had been hiding from that the jig is up. I grew so tired of the lies and deceitful silly games that I had been playing just to appease family, coworkers and a few dear old friends.
Being a gay man is the mother of all marks in the black community. The black church denunciates homosexuality and still does not welcome us with open arms. Congregants would rather travel elsewhere than practice their faith in a "sissy church."
The day I hit 40, two weeks ago, I thought it was high time I finally grew up. Why was I continuing to hide? Why couldn’t I reveal that part of me that I did not chose to be? Why was I continuing to feed into the prejudices and fears about homosexuality? I needed to break out in a way that was big and all encompassing, and Facebook was the way to do it!
On the eve of my birthday, I pondered how I would come out. I thought of poetic verses, militant prose and even some Biblical lines but then I thought further, “What the hell are you doing man? Just go for it!” And I did!
So I filled in the “interested in” portion of my profile, selecting “men,: one minute after midnight, on the day of my birthday. Then I wrote a status update saying that I am a proud gay black man and have been so all of my life. I went on to state that if anyone opted to disassociate themselves from me because I am gay then so be it, their move would tell me that they never loved me in the first place.
I stayed up a few hours, oddly enough and sadly, to watch my friend count go down. When I awakened the next day, I ran over to my laptop to see how many folks had unfriended me. Hmmm…I had lost 32 friends.
Wait, did I say “lost?” Those people who unfriended me never added any real value to my life anyway. I then scoured further with too much trepidation… my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, even those questionable cousins were still friends. As a matter of fact, my mom and dad were the first to send shout outs of love and support, followed by my two siblings and other family members.
On the other hand, my pastor, three deacons, the head of the usher committee, my godmother and a quite few of the church croonies unfriended me but I kind of expected their reaction. All, so unimportant. As days went by, I kept getting pats on the back, comments about how brave I was for using Facebook as a way to free myself. Quite a few co-workers even came by my office at work to congratulate my openess. I was free everywhere and it felt too damn good!
Now I refuse to not be authentic. Previously, my secret had become so disheartening — it was literally tearing my soul to pieces. I was expending far too much energy trying to keep up appearances and playing a game that was detrimental to the very essence of me.
I let my family think I was a player who loved and left a series of phantom women. I let co-workers believe that I was divorced, peppering in every now and then made up stories of a crazy ex-wife. I constantly made up excuses as to why I would have to take a pass on fix-ups by my sisters or other family members.
All human beings deserve respect. Just because I prefer the love of a man that does not make me godless or immoral. Don’t condemn the way I live! I am now only ashamed because I had allowed myself to be subjected to those narrow-minded, Christian, homophobic propagandists and had remained silent for far too long.
I allowed these homophobics to traumatize and bully me with their ignorance and stupidity, while using their pseudo-religious platform to preach their robotic and twisted anti-gay philosophies. My silence gave these baffoons legitimacy — but no more!
Facebook has offered me an out, a way to no longer allow the words “black” and “gay” to duke it out, conflict, contradict or cancel each other out. I am a gay black man and now, thanks to Facebook, I have heralded this truth out to everyone.
Now I’ve lost 47 Facebook friends so far after coming out via the social network; not one of them tried to email, call my cell phone, shoot me a text or even send me a smoke signal, as to why they dropped me but the reason is crystal clear.
But who cares — the important thing here is that the ones who have remained on my friends list have allowed me to reveal who I am and to not make excuses anymore.
And to those who have unfriended me, okay, you removed me from your Facebook account but I have removed myself from your life. From now on, my message is clear cut, accept who I am and continue to support me as I raise my big black fist proudly up in the air with one hand, while vigorously waving the rainbow pride flag with the other.
Now I am free and I have Facebook to thank. Yes, I am a black gay man and have been since forever!
Source: All Facebook
Monday, August 1, 2011